I woke up to what I thought was a normal Tuesday morning in October, only to open my phone to a flurry of texts and DMs. “Watch this vid! Shawn came out last night!”. My heart exploded in my chest. “No f***ing way”, I screamed.

My crush. My obsession. The muse for my ‘#ShawnSundays’ IG series. The dreamiest pop star. Could it be true? After watching the video multiple times while making breakfast, (if you’re on a time constraint, scroll to :57) I felt such a mixture of emotions. I was in awe of him for speaking so publicly about this, about being so vulnerable. But at the same time, I felt frustrated and sad. I felt the pain in his voice. He shouldn’t even have to do this. He shouldn’t feel like he has to explain himself. It was bothering him so much that he talked about it in the middle of his concert.

And the thing is—he didn’t even come out. He was just talking about his journey, and people made it into something else.

“The real truth about my life and my sexuality is that, man, I’m just figuring it out like everyone, and I don’t really know sometimes…and I know other times.” 

People heard “I’m figuring it out” and slid all the way to “I’m gay”, without any nuance or conversation. And that’s what this post is really about—how we talk about sexuality, assumptions, and the pressure to explain ourselves before we even know the answers.

Here are the lessons we can all take from Shawn and his talk:

“Since I was really young, there’s been this thing about my sexuality, and people have been talking about it for so long…”
Shawn’s got a lot of privilege, but even with that, we all need to stop assuming people’s sexual orientations and identities. Making assumptions is dangerous, causes harm, and doesn’t allow people to self-identify. Stop gossiping, speculating, or “hoping”. I was guilty of this in the past (especially with Shawn) and feel regret about it. 

“Sexuality is such a beautifully complex thing that is so hard to put into boxes…”

Labels can be affirming and supportive, but they can also feel restricting. Systems like white supremacy and the gender binary thrive on keeping people in boxes…but that’s not how it works. Life and sexuality are so diverse and special.

“It always felt like such an intrusion on something very personal…”

Stay out of people’s business. Sexuality and who people love and are attracted to can be very personal. A person’s sexuality isn’t ours to dissect or demand clarity on.

“I’m trying to be really brave and just allow myself to be a human and feel things”

It takes courage to be yourself and to love yourself in a society that profits from your insecurities and your need to “fit in”. If someone comes out to you, or discloses intimate parts of themselves to you… be gracious.

And Shawn–if you ever see this–I love you so much, and I hope to bump into you on the street someday so I can give you the biggest hug and snap a selfie.

This microblog post was a featured post in #slowchathealth’s #microblogmonth event. You can search for all of the featured posts here. Please do follow each of the outstanding contributors on social media (including Drew Miller, the author of this post) and consider writing a microblog post of your own to be shared with the global audience of slowchathealth.com

Pair this blog post with the following:

Inclusive Sexual Health Education is Not Radical: It’s Responsible, It’s Respectful, and it’s Required by Dr. Alexandra Stoddart and Soumyadipta Nandy

5 Things I Wish Had Been Covered in Sex Education by Joanna Anagnostou

The Oldest Fable – Everything Wrong with the Clitoris Narrative by Tatiyanna Shirley

Life-Affirming for All, Life-Saving for Some by @genderspectrum

Have you read the latest Book of the Month recommendation?