Mindlessly scrolling through social media one night, I paused on a post that said, “Take your kid’s side, always.” Stuck somewhere between a teacher eye roll and a flush of mom guilt wondering if I do this enough, the post has bounced around in my head since.

My first parent phone call as a new teacher was from an angry mom. Her 6th grade son told her that I had written a behavior referral for him for not changing his clothes for PE. I was stunned. My explanation that I had not written a referral but did help him find clothes to change into for class was then interpreted as calling her son a liar. After the heated phone call, further investigation of the referral revealed that he had actually been written up for pulling his pants down and peeing on the playground at recess…

I wouldn’t have minded a little satisfaction when she learned the truth, but life can have a great sense of humor and send a healthy dose of humility to squash a sense of righteousness. About six years later, my husband received a phone call from the school principal when my four year old pulled down his own pants on the bus to 4K. full moon to the little ladies in the back seat–ugh!

After the incident, parent phone calls made me jumpy for a long time, but I have come to enjoy parent-teacher conferences. My original interpretation of taking your kid’s side meant to turn a blind eye to their mistakes and stand up for them no matter what, sometimes reinforcing hurtful behavior. Hurtful to others now, hurtful for their own future relationships and problem-solving. But instead what if we parents pledge to stand off to the side while our kids develop and grow, nurturing where needed and correcting where necessary. And what if the other adults in their lives, like their teachers, were appreciated and trusted to do the same? 

As a teacher, I often find that parents who come into conferences enjoy having someone to talk to about their kids and sometimes their parenting struggles. Some care about grades, most care about character. I want to be honest and caring, holding firm where needed in expectations of classroom conduct and performance indicators but also convey what each unique personality contributes to class and the school community on a daily basis. 

In my mom life, these days it’s my youngest son in 6th grade testing the adults in his life. I am thankful for classes like PE and Tech Ed that can redirect his energy during a long school day and teachers and coaches who are willing to communicate with me and take the time to smooth out his rougher edges. My husband and I are off to his side correcting and supporting, but so are they, helpfully redirecting as he bumps along, figuring out life.

This microblog post was a featured post in #slowchathealth’s #microblogmonth event. You can search for all of the featured posts here. Please do follow each of the outstanding contributors on social media (including Allisha Blanchette, the author of this post) and consider writing a microblog post of your own to be shared with the global audience of slowchathealth.com

Pair this blog post with the following:

Run and Play by Allisha Blanchette

The Transformation by Ann Hagedorn

Positive Phone Calls Home by Mike Chamberlain