The early educator experience can be a tangle of novelty, excitement, fear, hope, support, and if you’re lucky, naysayers. Let me explain.

At 23 years old, after sixteen seasons as a football player, I was ready to shift my attention to coaching. I was thrilled for the opportunity. The football field was an environment I understood and cared about. While working with these younger versions of myself, I could not have been more excited to share experiences and lessons with the next generation.

At the end of each practice, the head coach would give assistants the opportunity to address the team during a final breakdown before they went home for the day. I took the opportunity as often as possible. I had a lot to share.

I let my energy bubble up and present itself. I worked with my position group all practice and this mini stage allowed me to celebrate and challenge all of the athletes, the team. Here I shared messages, and honed my ability to share. It was not lost on me that these post-practice speeches were for my development as well – I was a young coach in training. These moments in the spotlight, when I was nerve-wracked but willing, were essential moments in the development of confidence.

Over time I became more confident in my message, and my ability to deliver it. I learned to tune into the energy of the moment. I learned empathy for a team and an audience. And I learned how to temper and adjust my emotion to meet the needs of the group. I was learning.

One of the things I learned along the way is that there will always be naysayers. And that’s okay.

At those post-practice breakdowns, there were almost always a set of coaches rolling their eyes, sometimes stepping away from the group, hoping I would wrap it up so they could get on with their evenings. I couldn’t help but notice this. As a young coach I was, in no uncertain terms, hoping for the acceptance of my peers.

It was disappointing. It was hard to see these “professionals” dissuading me instead of encouraging, supporting, or coaching me. I wanted to grow and I wanted their feedback. They didn’t give it. They rolled their eyes and complained to each other instead of guiding me toward a better version of myself.

There was never a conversation regarding how I could improve. Not once. But there was plenty of eye rolling and trash talk.

To be clear, there were also a lot of supportive peers along the way! This team had a long history, fantastic coaches, amazing students and an amazing community. The growth that was ultimately accomplished was due in large part to the support around me.

Still, the naysayers that popped up reminded me of the “crabs in a bucket” theory. The theory refers to the idea that crabs in a bucket at, say, a fish market, will try to climb toward an escape, only to be pinched and pulled back by their peers.

While it’s impossible to psychoanalyze a literal crab, the image is used as a metaphor for the ‘zero sum theory’, referring to the idea that subjective interpretations of social situations subliminally lead to the idea that one person’s gain would lead to another’s loss. In economic games, this is often true. But in human behavior, it does not have to be.

If two people were both trying to get out of a well (like crabs escaping a bucket) it would serve both if one helped the other escape, if only so the person at the rim could offer support back down the well so that both could make it out to safety. Humans are stronger together, working communally.

In practice, it does not always happen this way. Understanding the concept does not preclude the fearful to behave with self-preservation in mind. Fear is ubiquitous. Thus, so are pinching crabs.

Keys to Navigating Crabs in a Bucket

Situations like this can appear in coaching, in the classroom, in administrative meetings, and beyond. There will always be crabs in the bucket, this is unavoidable. And that can be a good thing, if you know how to navigate it.

• Believe. You have to believe that in your message, believe that what you have to share is meaningful. Purpose, genuine purpose aligned with your values, is the strongest fuel out there. At times it will be the only thing you can trust as you climb. Make your purpose stronger than the crab’s pull.

• Keep getting in the arena. You can plan. You can prepare. You can remind yourself of your purpose, imagine possible permutations along the path, try to anticipate the challenges… but eventually you just have to put yourself out there. After you do, reflect on what worked an what didn’t. Then put yourself out there again.

• Listen to the crabs, but not too much. Some critical feedback is necessary. This should allow for reflection. Filter through the noise and seek out feedback from people who have your best interest in mind – even if that feedback is hard to swallow. But don’t try to drink from the firehose of fear-based criticism. There will always be crabs. Learn from the good ones, pull away from the others.

• Be grateful. Don’t gloss over the good moments. While it can be easy to linger on the crabs, don’t gloss over the support that does exist. Find your people. Be grateful for them. Be grateful for the opportunity to do meaningful work.

• Embrace opportunities to grow. Remember that every challenge has the opportunity to produce positive growth. To use another metaphor from the animal kingdom, note that the struggle of a bird to relieve itself from a shell at birth is the first opportunity for physical and psychological strengthening. The baby bird is stronger for having to struggle against the obstacle of its shell, and better equipped to enbgage with the next challenge. While it is nice to think that a clear and compelling purpose is enough to drive one to the finish line of their mission, resistance in the other direction is also a constant in stories of success. People walking a successful path are moving toward a purpose, but also away from the pulling crabs and other obstacles. They are stronger for doing so.

Finally, once you see the situation clearly, be the traction point for others. A crab climbing the side of a bucket toward freedom might only need a small bit of traction, a minor ledge to hold onto, to accomplish its mission.

During that time as an early coach a friend of mine, Brian, once told me that he saw me working with the team and noted that I had a unique ability to motivate them. He told me that after practice one day. That was all I needed. A peer encouraged me, saw something in me, and told me about it. It was that simple. It was a true traction point which, in conjunction with the strength of my purpose as an educator, allowed me to keep climbing.

Fear is natural. So there will always be folks out there hoping to keep things the way they are. If they fear, even mildly, for their position in a group, they might be inclined to hold you back. There will always be crabs in the bucket.

Once you recognize what you want to be, and what you don’t want to be, use that to influence the way you interact with other developing leaders. When people begin to work together, to see proof of the concept that collaboration can be mutually beneficial, they are more likely to collaborate in the future. Be grateful for the opportunity. And keep climbing.

Please consider following my awesome co-worker, and author of this post, Jim Davis on social media. And if he’s ever presenting at a conference near you – you NEED to check him out!

Check out Jim’s work with The Good Athlete Project AND he also has a very popular podcast.

Pair this blog post with the following:

From Back Row to Center Stage by Matt Hagedorn

The Power of Good Nutrition: Does Your Behavior Match Your Goal? by Jim Davis

Heroes of a Healthier Future by Jim Davis

Have you read the latest Book of the Month recommendation?